


safe and sound

by guardsguards



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Backstory, Childhood, M/M, Mild Angst, Project Black Wing, Referenced Human Experimentation, Spooning, but nothing as scary as that sounds don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 18:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9562154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardsguards/pseuds/guardsguards
Summary: AKA three times in Dirk's life when hiding under a bed nearly worked, plus one time when hiding wasn't necessary





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this beautiful post from princessparadoxical](http://princessparadoxical.tumblr.com/post/156710048917/one-of-my-favourite-things-about-dirk-gently-as-a).

**1**

Svlad clenches his eyes shut, hugging his knees to his chest so he’s as small as he can possibly be. His breathing is still too loud though. He can hear it like the roar of a wave in his ears and he knows that any monster who comes looking for him will hear it too. Trying to breath quietly is a very difficult thing to do when he has tears pricking in the corners of his eyes and panic overtaking his thoughts.

He trembles when the mattress springs above him squeak; somebody is sitting down on the bed. If he were to open his eyes, he would see their feet… Unless this type of monster doesn’t have feet. The thought makes him shudder.

“Svlad, sweetheart, are you under here?” The voice is familiar, like a soothing balm to the terror burning in Svlad’s chest. His mother may not hug him as often as he’d like, and she may often stay out until late, but he knows from the books they read at school that mothers protect their sons.

“Yes, mama,” he answers softly.

“Are you hiding under the bed again?” she asks. Svlad nods, then remembers she can’t see him and so crawls out from under the bed, looking up at her with anxious eyes. “I think a monster is coming. You should hide too.” If mama gets eaten, Svlad thinks, he’ll be all alone in the world.

“There’s no such thing as monsters, Svlad, it’s just your imagination,” she replies, stroking Svlad’s hair soothingly. It’s not a familiar feeling. “Now, there’s a man waiting downstairs to see you. You remember how I told you a man would be coming? From America.”

“Yes, mama,” Svlad answers, voice more hesitant now. It’s not like him to be unwilling to meet new people. After a brief consideration, he lets his mother take his hand and lead him down to the living room, where a monster sits on their sofa. He freezes, and mama obviously notices because she’s pursing her lips.

“Sorry about this, I should have told you over the phone, but I didn’t realise it would be an issue. He had some silly dream about being kidnapped by a monster, you see, and he’s been terrified of men with moustaches ever since,” she explains, accompanied by an exasperated sigh, “Isn’t that right, Svlad?”

Svlad is hiding behind his mother’s leg, and so doesn’t see the way Colonel Riggins smiles at that comment, but he does hear the somewhat confusing response.

“Svlad’s gift is already manifesting itself in uncontrollable ways. Don’t worry, we’re going to help with that.”

 

 

**2**

Dr Esposito is standing in the doorway, and – at fifteen years old, as of this morning - Dirk is much too mature to hide under the bed. He does anyway, because Dr Esposito and his electricity machine are scary, and he knows that he won’t be able to give the doctor what he wants.

The bed, being the only piece of furniture in Dirk’s bedroom, is the only thing available to hide under. It’s a tight fit and Dirk is smart enough to know that this won’t work, so why is he bothering?

Dr Esposito clears his throat in a way that somehow manages to convey the threat of extra electric shocks if Dirk doesn’t come out right this instant. Dirks flinches and remembers why he’s under the bed. One of the many things he’s learned at the CIA is that he can be pushed to do very irrational things when frightened enough.

“Icarus, I can see you. You’re acting like a child,” Dr Esposito finally says into the quiet of the room. Dirk stays perfectly still and perfectly silent. “You’re embarrassing yourself.” He sounds a mixture of frustrated and bored, and Dirk can’t understand how he’s so calm about all of this. Perhaps, he thinks, Dr Esposito just doesn’t realise how much Dirk dislikes the electricity.

Before he can explore that train of thought, he hears heavier footsteps approaching. Dr Esposito must have beckoned security over. It’s not too long before Dirk is extracted from his hiding place, and Dr Esposito’s anger is made clear in the session that follows.

It doesn’t stop Dirk from ducking under his bed again the next time Esposito comes to his bedroom. After the fifth time, they replace the bed with just a mattress on the floor, and there’s no longer anywhere to hide.

 

 

**3**

At least the Rowdy 3 are always loud enough to give him some advance warning of their arrival, Dirk thinks – though it’s only one of many thoughts running parallel and tangential and perpendicular to each other in his panicked mind.

He’s in his apartment, a cosy little place containing a number of items that he’d like to remain intact. Dirk would also like to remain intact himself. Unfortunately, in such a cosy apartment, there aren’t many hiding places.

Except, of course… Dirk hesitates. Beds haven’t really worked for him in the past. There’s little time to make a decision though, as the revving of the van has stopped and he can hear destruction in the hallway.

With one last frantic glance around, he throws himself to the floor and scrambles under the bed, tucking his feet under just as the door to his apartment is kicked in. Dirk’s eyes are clenched shut so he can’t see the rampage, but the sound of smashing and the howling aren’t particularly subtle.

“Trying to hide from us?” a familiar, low voice asks, “Bad idea, little mouse.”

Were he less scared and less intent on hiding, Dirk would point out that he’s definitely taller than at least one member of the Rowdy 3.

“Why’s he hiding?” shouts a younger and more hysterical-sounding voice, accompanied by a terrifyingly nearby sound of fabric tearing. Dirk suspects it’s the mattress, and sure enough, he can see black-booted feet when he cracks one eye open.

“Because he don’t realise there’s no use in hiding, me and my rowdy boys ain’t the sort of folk you can hide from,” the low voice replies. Dirk has a bare few seconds to process that information before his ears are assaulted by the sound of metal scraping against hardwood floor. The bed-frame that had been concealing him is now three feet away, and four terrifying faces stare down at him.

“Not again,” he whines.

 

 

**+1**

Dirk feels anxious the first time he and Todd share a bed. Todd isn’t the issue, of course. Todd is the very opposite of an issue, Todd is a delight, and it is – Dirk will admit - hard to feel anxious when curled up beside somebody as delightful as Todd, but Dirk still manages it.

What makes him anxious is the bed. The bed which – and Dirk knows this from painful experience – cannot be hidden under. The bed frame is simply too low down. It’s true that, in Dirk’s life, hiding under beds has never helped too much. It’s just always been the only option.

He tells Todd as much. It’s a slightly awkward thing to explain, especially as they’ve only been dating for a few days and Dirk hasn’t come anywhere close to telling Todd the full story of his past. But Dirk feels compelled to tell the truth, because he can’t accept all of the kisses and embraces and shared smiles if he knows he’s lying to Todd.

After a few moments of wearing an unreadable expression, Todd replies: “Well, there’s always the fire escape, right? You’ve used it before, so you know it works.”

Dirk pauses, then smiles and kisses Todd firmly on the lips. Todd doesn’t even look like he regrets his answer when Dirk launches into a rambling speech about a former case involving a fire escape and three stubborn cows, one of whom was the client. He dozes off to the sound of Dirk’s voice, and Dirk joins him soon after.

Feeling so safe is unfamiliar, but Dirk thinks he could get used to it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Readers of Project Icarus may recognise Dr Esposito, who is here because choosing names for characters is hard.
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! Also, if you liked this then feel free to send me a prompt on my tumblr [gentledirkly](https://gentledirkly.tumblr.com/).


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